Antsy

These past few weeks, I have become outrageously Antsy. Ive been hit with a travel bug and feel the need to move on to something new and exciting. It sucks because at least once a day I get an ache to travel...I want to see Ireland, England and Scotland, Greece, Italy, Austria, and France. I want to travel the states too...but not nearly as bad.

There is a women who comes into the bank and she always tells me of her travels to Australia and how much she loves it. She spends months on end there before returning back to the island.

Im very envious of her and when she leaves I begin thinking of ways that I can get myself away somewhere.... Ive come up with a few possibilities actually, but then practical shannon comes along and squashes everything... I need to Finish school... Or well, I need to START school really. And im really really looking forward to it. But should I finish school first and then go away? or should I get the travel bug out of me now and finish up when I return... Maybe the experience will help me realize whats right for me? I have no clue.....

And this class im in is really getting me thinking. It's my Anthro class(Intro to Physical Anth. and Archaeology) and its amazing. My prof. is wicked which really helps and im really finding it interesting....It makes me think that I may want to go down that avenue. Not so much be an Anthropologist...because I don't plan on being poor. But perhaps, and Archaeologist... because I LOVE everything about it. Thats why I love Fine art history so much because half of the courses focus on looking at ruins of temples and excavated civilizations. I just love it. Something like that would help my travel bug thats for sure...

The Road Not Taken

December 26, 2007

This past weekend I was walking through the woods out past my mom's home in New Glasgow. I was avoiding being home because home equals depressing to me for many many reasons and since it was so gorgeous out I decided to go for a walk to clear my head and just be. There had been a few snow storms so the ground was thickly covered and I was able to follow ski-doo tracks through the woods. I have a pretty decent fear of the woods...Its kind of a fear of getting lost or just not knowing whats a head of me...which I find intertesting because it can be a fear used in a physical sense or a mental way to describe my fears of my undecided future plans.

About a half an hour into my journey the musical version of Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken" popped into my head...So I began to sing it out loud. Its such a beautiful song. And it made me start thinking about my life...Should I fall in line with everyone else and keep my steady job at the bank where I make a pretty decent pay? Just so that I can have that assurance that im financially secure? Or should I branch out, and follow what will really make me happy...Do things that ive always wanted to do? Obviously, before I have finished this thought, I already know the answer...

While I was thinking this on my walk, and singing allowed, I looked up and suddenly noticed that the Path had split. One of the paths was wide and beaten down by trucks and other vehicles while the other was small and faint and led into the deep woods. This for me was "The Road not Taken" and I stood there looking down both for a moment and tried to decide which way I should go. The beaten down path made me feel safe...I knew it was well used and that I wouldnt get lost down that way...and the one to the woods gave me a nervous feeling. The thought of not knowing what was ahead of me scared me. But, I also knew that although scary, the wood path would be more interesting and beautiful...So I Started down the unbeaten path and with a surge of emotion, I just began to cry....I knew that this moment was going to really change the way I looked at life. I had an overwelming feeling of relief, that I was going to be ok and that I can make my life as exciting as I want it to be... It was a very intense walk. I plopped my butt down in the snow and let it all out...I cried and cried until my butt was so cold I couldnt take it anymore. So, I got up and continued down the path. It brought me out to a clearing; A large field with a small house and a barn. I stopped and soaked it all in for a while with not a thought in my head.

When I turned around to keep going down the path I heard a snap of a branch. It made me jump but I listened for a while and heard nothing so I looked down the path to continue. The Path was heading down a steap hill into the thick of the woods...It made me really nervous but I told myself to keep going at least for a little while longer. Suddenly, I heard more branches breaking. It sounded like footsteps of a person so, I tried not to get scared...but just then, out inthe distance, I saw a deer. It was huge! And me being so emotional and jumpy, I got so scared I ran all the way home...my heart was pounding and my lungs were tight. It was such a huge rush of adrenaline. Now it seems silly. You can tell that I dont come in contact undomesticated animals very often :)

My experience was so impacting that I had to write it down. I need to do more with my life than just exist. I need to stick with goals that are going to make me happy and healthy. The things I want may feel far away and the path to them may seem frightening and overwelming...but thats part of the fun! And the rewards in the end will feel so much greater and will stay with me longer than these short lived achievements that I experience now. My life has been such a blurr these past few months. I havent been able to keep a good steady stream of thought wave. My mind is jumbled and full of traffic; just white noise rushing through my head restricting me from thinking clearly and freely. You cannot truly feel when you are not fully engaged and I am worth fussing over. I don't regret taking this time to figure myself out...
I could feel something missing...and although I took a sort of awkward path, im happy to have begun to become one with myself again.